Thursday, June 9, 2011

Trust Yourself - Scared To Do

( By Mary Jaksch )Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.


You know what - i think i've written about quite a bit of " scary " stuff on here. Depression, suicide, loneliness, heartbreak, lying, manipulation and selfishness. Thats some pretty scary shit right there, some stuff that i know other bloggers wouldnt even contemplate writing about. But back when i started this blog, thats primarily what it was for - it was a way of externalising all those things that were weighing me down. It really didnt matter to me whether anyone else read it or not ( although helpful comments were always appreciated ). So when i first saw the question posed in this prompt, i really didnt know what i could answer with. " I've done all the scary stuff - end question " ? And then it hit me...
Image from here
Revenge. Cold, hard, bitchin' revenge. I dont want to admit the feelings i'm having because to even think them makes me sick - what kind of person must i bet to feel this way? Doesn't even having these thoughts make me just as bad as she was? Or does it make me as bad as she said i am? But now here i am, going to admit them, in writing, for all of you to judge .... and thats scary. But you know what would be so satisfying to me? The " revenge " that would make me feel so much better about the way she treated me? What would make me feel like the "winner" ?

Falling pregnant and having another beautiful baby before she does....

3 comments:

  1. It must be really hard to confront yourself with having these feelings. And even harder to share them with the world. I really appreciate your courage to share them anyway. I guess it just shows that you're a 'normal' human being, like the rest of us.

    I think you're 'revenge' is going to be sweet :)

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  2. Hi- I came via FYBF at "Where`s my Glow" so this is my first time here- hi!

    I am following a couple of blogs doing this trust30 challenge and enjoy reading others responses- wish I had known about it before it started so I could of joined in to, tbh.

    I think it is normal to want revenge or to be jealous of others. I get jealous all the time. I think most people would have to say they have imagined getting revenge on someone in their lives at some point or another.

    I do hope you get pregnant before her though- just because it sounds like you deserve it!

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  3. I know what you mean about doesn't thinking them make us bad... and I don't think that it does. Fleeting thoughts, and sometimes not so fleeting thoughts, are just how we process stuff. Acting on them though, well that's entirely different.

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